At the End We Remember the Beginnings...
It's been a long time since I've been here and the reasons are many...I'd love to say it was simply Trump and his destruction or attempt to destroy the country. Now, America has NEVER been perfect...It seemed that way to the white people in power, the wealthy, and those who don't give a fuck about the future beyond they're own life times. No, Trump has his place but most of the depression came from simply...Life.
I have lived longer than anyone, myself included, ever expected. I've done some good things, some bad things, some that simply seemed right at the time and were fun but in with introspection in today's light of instant news, white privileged (Both knowing and unknowingly), the incredible deep and dark hatred of those who want to make this world into one bland white filled religious bigots/racists/misogynists/racist where the only gay people that are 'Good' are those in porn and not in the 'Real World'.
Every step forward we take three back. Trans women are being killed at an ever increasing rate and very few ever seeing(If the dead can see) their murderer caught and punished before another member of the LGBTQ community and the GOP are now trying to remove this community from the law governing the Hate bill created by the hideous and brutal of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming.
Young people are committing suicide at an alarming rate because they aren't safe to live their life openly without being beaten, shunned, killed for nothing less than holding hands or kissing in public, the same thing 'Straight' people do without the danger of being attacked by strangers, supposed friends, and most horrible, family members.
Religion give these attackers a reason to hate 'Righteously', to take their bigotry and racism because the 'Bible' tells them it's to okay. Somehow white racists take the 'Bible' as their reason and strength to act openly with their hate without being punished. January 6th, after the continual prompting by Trump, other GOP members and the extreme right's attacked the White House and all the building that make up America's capitol.
And Trump laughed. He told them he loved them.
Still he walks free to be the bright and shining 'Light' that bigots and racists look to for permission to be violent.
So, yeah...Been staying away from the world. Depression is just a word but it takes its toll on those who refuse to be intimidated by bullies. And I'm officially an old man who has lost a lot of friends over the years, some to AIDS, some through disease, some just because they got tired of living in this fucked up world.
I didn't just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling because of the current state of America and much of the world...Thought about it...I sought peace in my art and even that was difficult because, you know...Old.
Eyesight is bad. Sometimes my bones hurt so bad that just walking from one room to the other. Oh, and I have less than 30% use of my lungs.
No more running and exercising and when I look in the mirror with brutal honesty I see the seven (Give or take) decades is written on my face. When I die I'll just be another crazy old man who liked to sit hours at a time creating art...Very little will change in this world just because I have gone to my grave.
This year has started with some promise and yet there are still those out there in power who want women in the home and gay people in the grave. My friends, my sister Beth, my cats, Christy...These give me the strength to get up in the morning. They bring a purpose to my life.
They are my life.
So, I've been gone for awhile but I'm coming back.
Still a Witch, a Pagan, a Heathen and atheist. I'd like to think I'm enlightened, grown up a little more, and see the world for what it could be and not what it is.
And I have hope. It's not much but it's still better than nothing.
I'm going to write and post some strange things in the next few months, I'm not hiding, not running, and if anyone who wants to try and teach this old atheist a lesson about being bisexual, well, I'm not that hard to find.
I still have a few surprises up my sleeve so hang around.
It's the end of the world and I feel fine.