Posts

Countdown (Prologue)

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  Ever notice that we tend to have things we need to do and very often don't do them? There are a lot of reasons but the main mental blockage is that we think we'll find the time to do these things somewhere in the future. Problem is we don't know when this 'Present' will end and the future isn't promised to anyone. No one. Zilch. Nada. I have a birthday coming up next month and it's marks the countdown to the time when just getting up in the morning isn't a given. Seventy is just around the corner and I'm at the age when I could simply fall down for no reason and not get back up. Truth is that could have happened anytime in the last ten years but I didn't feel old. Until my sister took my photograph. Lines everywhere and I've lost so much weight so quickly that my skin is just kinda hanging and it really sucks! It's not like a surprise, I was told by my lung doctor exactly how I'll die if I don't get killed in some car accident o

Deadline

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I've been gone a while but that's because I've been busy, sort of working under a large and looming deadline. Actually, the last deadline. The first time one coughs up blood there's a sense of panic and each person reacts to that panic in different ways. I'd been told by a specialist how I would die, gave me a site with the Mayo Hospital where I could go when the symptoms were pointing the way toward the end. I was prepared for this and kind of shrugged it off. One time could be anything...Logic was never my strong point...But then it continued and it no longer entered into the 'Maybe it's nothing' area and moved into 'How much blood?' Lots. Then it came out during urinating and every place where blood could escape from. Some days are better than others but the flag had been raised and I went to the Mayo site and asked a few questions.  Not reassuring. There were still other signs to look out for. One was when the fingernails started turning blue

On Being Yourself

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  There's this thing that seems to happen when people get older and it really irritates me. They see their mortality real and near and they try to pretend all they've done their entire lives was a mistake, some turn to religion, some hide in drink, some try to rewrite their own personal history. Over and over it happens, they reject all they've done in order to stave off death, to forget who they were and become what others think they should be. Just in case. They are terrified of dying, of no longer Being, of Hell...Of oblivion...Of the grave.  Basic science tells us that energy cannot be destroyed, merely changed. As walking talking pools of energy we do not vanish, we become something else. Perhaps it's one of those 'Shadows' people see on the myriad of 'Ghost Buster' shows  on every other channel, perhaps they become a part of the Earth, returning to our Mother what we took from Her in life...I don't know and anybody who says they do is lying. It

At the End We Remember the Beginnings...

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  It's been a long time since I've been here and the reasons are many...I'd love to say it was simply Trump and his destruction or attempt to destroy the country. Now, America has NEVER been perfect...It seemed that way to the white people in power, the wealthy, and those who don't give a fuck about the future beyond they're own life times. No, Trump has his place but most of the depression came from simply...Life. I have lived longer than anyone, myself included, ever expected. I've done some good things, some bad things, some that simply seemed right at the time and were fun but in with introspection in today's light of instant news, white privileged (Both knowing and unknowingly), the incredible deep and dark hatred of those who want to make this world into one bland white filled religious bigots/racists/misogynists/racist where the only gay people that are 'Good' are those in porn and not in the 'Real World'.  Every step forward we take t

GRAIL 3

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 The idea for 'Grail' came to me in the '80s, but so did addiction. So it wasn't until I was sober and the arrival of a new century that I actually started working on it. I wish I could have finished it. Whether or not anyone ever does something with my notes my time wasn't wasted because I love drawing portraits.

GRAIL 2

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 More drawings. The four main characters have always been incredibly difficult to put down on paper. I have dozens of drawings, sometimes I've come close, but they are always just out of view. I could have simply chosen 'Stereotypes' but I refuse to take that route. Another reason I can't really do this story myself. Tomorrow...