All Our Yesterdays

Today is Karen's birthday. She died a while back and I'm one of those who believes that a person is never really gone if we keep their name and life alive.

I miss her a lot. There isn't a day which goes by when I don't think of her. I was a friend to both her and her husband, David, for decades. After he died she and I began a romance and that union never went away and we stayed close even after my own health failed and I had to leave. We talked for hours every day and continued when she left Casa Grande and moved to Chicago. 

There are those we love and care for that we never see gone from our lives and this is doubly true of me. One day I received a phone call as she was entering a hospital...Turns out she had stage 4 cancer and she never left that hospital alive. 

I saw a documentary recently where a scientist was talking Quantum Science. He said information is never gone as he tossed a book into a raging fire. Even after the book was gone, being nothing more than smoke and ash, he explained how the knowledge within the book was still there, albeit in a different state. Eventually we'll understand the mechanics of returning the book to its natural state as the smoke and ash are forced back into reality. This idea is pretty much how I see life...We don't disappear, we change. I never was one who believed in 'Heaven or Hell' but I did accept that energy cannot be destroyed, merely changed. 

Her body has gone but the energy that made up her personality and life still remains. I don't know where this energy goes or what shape it takes in this world but I find solace in the idea she's still here...It doesn't matter that I can't see her I know she can hear my voice and there are times when all is quiet and still that I know she's there, she's watching and, I hope, smiling.
She was always inspirational and I grew as a person and an artist during our time together and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her. 

For a brief time I was happy and couldn't imagine a day without her in my life...Still don't... So, today is her birthday and the world is worse because she isn't in it as she once was. 

I am so very tired of my friends leaving this world and cannot understand why I'm still around. Maybe it's for this very reason, maybe I'm here to make sure her name isn't forgotten, that she isn't forgotten. 

Happy Birthday, Karen.

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